The Opposite of Sensible

I sat beside my mum, watching the small waves past the break in Pango as she sipped her lime juice. This place we had visited before - a friend of hers working there and the smiles of the bartenders bouncing toward us. We had walked from the house we were staying at - past old banyan trees, villages, tropical gardens, locals, island dogs. We had been kissed by the sun.

As we were sitting there, I asked mum "what is the opposite of sensible?" 

She started throwing words at me: "um... foolish? Senseless? Silly?"

But I was looking for a word that was positive. A word that cherished being the opposite of sensible. Because I have been, for much of my life, unerringly not sensible. 

The last time I felt truly free - vivacious, frivolous, and alive was when I was overseas. You see, I have been in Vanuatu at this time for over a week watching as groups of the locals sit and chat - their laughter infectious, riveting, unquenchable. A boat loaded with youngsters arrives at a dock whereby they throw themselves headfirst into the water. 

And I sit watching. A sensible soul. Observing. But not participating. 

And it aches me. Because I have never been one to merely observe. Or if I were to people watch, it is in a way in which I become involved - in a way that I am engaged and feeling their laughter, joy, their sense of vivacity. The joie de vivre. But I feel lost because I am detached. And I can't stay in this feeling.

Many people around me since going back to Australia tag along with the idea that "this world is not my home, I'm just passing through." The problem with this idea is that the world is, for now, your home. God has put us here, given us the opportunity to get a taste of what we will be immensely blessed with in the next life, and what we'll no longer have to engage with as well. He has given us this world so that we develop gratitude - and so that we form a true understanding of who He is and what He delights in.

So when we cast shade at our lives, when we detach ourselves from this world so much, we do not enjoy or engage with the deep revelation of God's character found in the very smiles, the very elements of frivolity and the very elements of untainted joy that surround us every moment of every day.

Well I refuse to engage with that disengagement any longer. Because it is a form of judgment. It is a form of reproach of God Himself. It is a form of negativity that does not deserve to be in my life, in my heart, in my being. It doesn't desire my happiness and I do not desire it.

I want the joy of God and the joy of others to radiate around and through me. 

I want to backflip into the ocean.

To be free of the bondage of detachment.

To love others without seeking consequences. 

To let go of whatever hurt is dwelling in my heart.

To forgive myself for the stupid things I've done.

To wish well those I've lost.

To pray for all.

To love God.

To live.

Let me be the positive opposite of sensible. Let me live, laugh and love.

Because that's what Jesus would do.