Confirm

My finger hovered over the submit button. My heart had ached and yearned for so long, that this moment seemed so real that it was surreal. I had filled the forms out innumerable times, gotten to the end and chickened out or felt unsure about this whole thing I was doing.

But after the email confirmation came through, all fear was gone and suddenly I was sitting in this calm ecstasy. This erupting silence. A quiver and shiver bellowed from my body in that moment of external peace and internal celebration. 

You see, the other night I booked my flights back to Paris.

Though I won't be living there this time round, it was important that I began my new journey in a place that originally sparked my desire, passion and absolute need for being and experiencing the "other." In 2013, I arrived under a blanket of blizzarding snow in that freezing airport, Charles de Gaulle; the most uninviting, uninteresting and sterile welcome to the most romantic and vivid city I have ever experienced travelling through, wandering around and living in. 

And after walking 1.5km up a road after getting off at the wrong Metro stop, I arrived at the first put-your-bag-down-girl-it's-been-two-days-since-you-left-home pit stop. I had a shower, exchanged niceties with my French-ass hosts and got my ass out of that house and incidentally and literally straight back onto that snowy pavement, where the snow had melted and ice had taken its place. OOMPH. Ow. That's gonna bruise.

This time, over two years later, Paris is being graced by my presence in the summer time. And I am being graced by its summery presence in my life. To say I am blessed is an understatement. My life has considerably changed in the time that has passed, but I am no different from the person that I was before. Maybe, in an absurd way (all things considering) I am happier. Excited to share this place with new people, share my love for Paris with them, and my love for them with Paris. And I am honoured that I get to be with mes deux amours - loved ones and loved wanderings. 

Money! You shout. That one word, with all its connotations. Yes, I suppose you're right. I am wondering, also, how I even managed to pay for these flights - let alone everything else that will transpire as soon as my feet meet French soil. The Universe said these words to me tonight:

The trick with spending money, Ruth, lies in knowing, with every fiber of your being, that it will return.

Huh.

It reminds me of the wisest woman in the world, my mother, who always makes ends meet. In the nick of time, she is once again saved from the blaring uncertainty of this money-fuelled world.

So I guess, amidst all this crazy back-and-forth work for this and pay for that life style, we need to take a little step back and ensure we do the following:

Confirm yourself a place in this world that makes you happy. Figure out how to make it happen as it's already right now in this very moment happening. Because it is, and it can, and it will.