A Quiet Perseverance
The past six months have been tough titties and excruciatingly beautiful all the same. And though I am not quite through with them yet, the light at the end of the tunnel is so bright that it's outdoing the shadows that stand just in front of it - its glory stronger than the trials and tribulations that chronologically precede it. I've been blessed with this quiet perseverance. I learnt it from my mum - a strong being who I don't know how the world has not pushed her down and kept her there.
I struggled for a while with unexpected change. With doubts, anxiety, a feeling that I had no control. It was disheartening, because there was nothing more honest than my desire to be free, to be kind, to love and respect others. And yet I was trapped in a way that I didn't really understand, and I honestly could not tell you. My mind played games and I was too observant for my own good. But I kept it all in - everything bottled.
People say "don't bottle it up, or it will consume you or eventually you'll explode." Firstly, that's extreme. Secondly, I did bottle it up, and whilst the bottle was shaken a fair bit and it did sometimes start to quietly fizz, it was unnoticed, and eventually it went flat. And it's because of our reliance on others to drag us out of situations, rather than refocussing on our own capacities and abilities that we so often assume we need help, or that we can't do something on our own. We need to look towards our quiet perseverance.
I daren't say I do anything alone. God is definitely there. One day he's stopping me from tripping over and losing my towel on the way back from the bathroom, another day he's dragging my lifeless, disappointed body out of bed because "we've got work to do." And that we do. He said turn the other cheek. That doesn't mean make a fuss about what's going on. It means accept it, it happened, it could happen again. Just know within you the honest fruits of your honest labour in this world. Because we're not always meant to go out and spread love and help the weary. Sometimes we are the weary, and we need to help ourselves.
I've been blessed with the opportunity to once again live overseas. This time I'm not going alone - I've got three great people in my life joining me, one of which will be sharing a city and living space with me. To know that we've all, in our own way, quietly persevered is one thing. To know we're being rewarded for it is another. I aim to continue surrounding myself with people so humble as these. Heads down, we all just get on with it. And whilst I sometimes bitch and moan myself, I am glad to have examples to straighten myself back up again and quietly persevere. Look at us now.
Look at you now.
