From Exclusion to Inclusion
Today I had this experience when my perception of the perception that others have of me kinda went haywire. It may be accurate, it may not. And whether or not it is, it's entirely irrelevant. There was something deeper brewing in my heart that I had to both express and work through, and it just so happened that it happened through writing.
I wrote three posts in succession on Instagram and I've reposted them here:
A reminder: first and foremost I am here for Him, and then for others through Him.
Rejection and disappointment floods in so many directions in this life. I asked God today “how is it for someone so naturally Inclusive, I often feel so excluded?”
For those that really know me, the weird intersection between my introversion and outgoing nature and desire to bring joy in my interactions with people no matter who they are, often leads me to feel really confused when that same intention is not reciprocated. I will even say that in times where I’ve really needed people to be mindful of me (how often I’ve felt forgotten - whether it was true or not!), it’s often been the people that I least expect that show up. I don’t mean that I expect less from those that don’t profess a belief in or a love for Jesus, but it’s more a juxtaposition to the belief that those that do profess it are meant to live and breathe His very way of life - inclusivity, understanding, mindfulness of the needs within His community. The irony is that I’m finding more and more that “Christians” struggle to reflect that. I know that the enemy’s best way to deter people from a saving relationship with their creator is to distract those that professedly believe in Him from an authentic relationship for themselves. I want to make it clear to all that people poorly representing God does not negate His existence or the possibility of Him being so absolutely sold out to loving you.
An example, if I may, is when Britney Spears was a representative of Pepsi but was then caught out drinking Coca Cola. Perhaps a bad example as both are bad for your health, but Britney professed one thing but clearly did not abide by that profession. Girl is free to drink whatever she wants but if she’s claiming Pepsi to be superior and is paid a heck of a lot to represent it, you’d think she’d do that a bit more effectively...
So to Christians I say this, because I’m running out of word space: check yourself. People outside and within your community are going to the rocks that “cry out” aka non believers to feel God’s authentic love because you’ve gone luke-warm. We’re all guilty. Really go deep with God on this.
How do I, as a recipient of exclusion, move through that?
Airing our thoughts with someone trusted is important. Of course, with God it is ideal. For those of you who struggle with the idea of communicating with God, or doubt His existence, it’s good to connect with another person who has proven themselves to be “slow to speak, quick to listen.” (this idea is found in the bible, specifically in the book of James chapter 1 and verse 19, and I love it).
But going deeper, when I thought about this idea that as an individual who is naturally or learnedly very open and inclusive, I am often excluded, I was brought to the attention that God, out of anyone else, knows this the best.
For many reasons, all culminating in one single reason being a misunderstanding of who He is, God has been to date the being in this universe that has experienced the deepest, most frequent exclusion. And yet He pushed through it. Because of the reminder I began this post with: He was to live for others. Here, and always acting with the desire, to love.
Did you know that “love keeps no record of wrongs” ? We read that in the first book of Corinthians, which is actually a letter that an early follower of Jesus in first century Christianity penned to those living in Corinth. The whole letter was about how the people who (again) claimed to be Christians really sucked at the loving part. He broke down what love looks like, and it’s a doozy. For anyone - Christian or not, it’s a challenge. It will challenge the way you approach your own hurt. The way you approach social injustice. The way you approach all manners of inhuman humanity - big and small.
Jesus knows how it feels to be excluded. Invalidated. Unappreciated. And yet He wishes to keep no record of wrongs. What a challenge! The leader in all things forgiveness. While hanging and being left out to die, He asked for the forgiveness of them all as they apparently “knew not” what they were doing (Luke 23:34).
I don’t think we ever truly know what we are doing when we hurt others.
When others hurt because of our actions, oftentimes (not always - narcissists do exist) we don’t necessary mean to hurt them. At the Very least we don’t see the connection of how we are, in fact, at fault.
When Jesus said “forgive them, they know not what they do,” He didn’t mean they were totally unaware that they actively picked up hammers and drove nails into His hands and His ankles. The Bible gives no indication that the entire trial and sentencing of Christ was done by an orchestra of sleep walking, sleep talking Jews and gentiles (the religious and non religious of the day).
They knew full well what they were doing but the underlying current, the central motivation dwelling underneath what they thought to be right, or good in their eyes (though outwardly evil) was less known to them. It was that undercurrent that Jesus asked God to forgive through an offering of Himself for their failure to love.
At the crux, people do hurtful things because they’re broken. People in religious groups, people outside of them. People in minority communities as well as those who fit what commentary spins as a majority (in power or influence, anyway). Power imbalances and distrust don’t just sit between classes, genders, races, religions and other cultural divergences. They sit within them. They sit within the families within them. And they sit within us.
They sit between friends. They sit between members of a local church. They sit between colleagues. They sit between the two ears on our heads.
Our problem is this: that the hurt we inflict (though perhaps unknowingly) on others stems from this one thing: fear. Fear that others will receive and we won’t. Fear that there’s not enough room for everyone. Fear that your association with someone may cause others to walk away. Fear that the ratio of men to women in the church is 1:2 if not 1:3 (lol I said it). We exclude to self preserve.
Jesus’ death was a result of human self preservation. Ironically His death was the tool that remedied that brokenness in us. Ironically the very thing that killed Him can now be killed by His life.
