Australia, I have some questions for you.

So I arrive back in Australia after three days of travelling, three hours of sleep within those three days, and a look of death on my face. Before we even touch earth, a "Customs: Welcome to Australia" video plays on the plane, detailing quarantine procedures and the boarding card for tourists. I am hit with that accent. That drilling, twanging accent that has become a real novelty since spending eleven months in Europe. Despite the odd Aussie (and those who happened to be on exchange with me), I haven't really been in contact with "my people" in a large environment since I can remember. 

Then, as I disembarked, I could hear a faint guitar riff that I new very well and my response was "you have GOT to be kidding me!". Australia is a very patriotic country, but Chritine Anu's "My Island Home" from the mid 90's was twanging along as I strode along bags in hand, topping off the musical moment I had on the plane when we touched down and the flute riff from "Land Down Under" injected itself into my mind simultaneously. 

I saw bogans coming back from Cambodia laughing at how they literally got sprayed down before being allowed to come to Australia due to a flu spread, talking about how all they wanted now was a tinny and a durry. I knew I was home.

Question, Australia - what is this plastic nonsense you call your currency? I know not of this strange money and am still in the mindset of doing currency conversions in my head. Can't you just take my leftover euro and sterling ?

Question, Australia - what is this heat you subjected me to on exit from the airport? You know I've just been in Paris and London - I don't have time for your non-jumper/coat wearing nonsense. DON'T surprise me like that ever again, you hear? 

Question, Australia - where are the shots at? When I want to get loose quickly, how am I meant to do so on beer and alco-pops alone? Where is your cheap red wine at? Where is the off licence with the under 5 euro goods? I am so confused. 

Question, Australia - do you like my hideously white skin? I want to achieve Irish girl at the beach status. I think I'm not too far off.

Question, Australia - how long do you think it will take me to get used to you? Or, how long will it take for you to get used to me?