All the Paradoxes

There is this state

Where I'm awake

Yet asleep

Where I'm a slave to my bed

Yet a slave to freedom from it

Where I am hungry

Yet the thought of eating

Eats me.

This state pushes me

Out the door

Into the busyness of nothing

And it aches

As I delight in whatever I can.

I fear

Opening the floodgates

Of any scenario,

Lest the first seconds of novelty

Of happiness

Dissipate into a wreckage 

Of brute force

Due to my mind's tendencies to think

About this state.

And so whilst I'm tiptoeing 

I realise I should be bounding

And when I bound

I am thrown into the belief I should tiptoe

And so this state

This state it irks me 

To the point where I am irked

By myself.

The thoughts of my mind 

Bound

Tiptoe

In dissonance 

In defiance

Of one another.

But I'm okay.

I'm okay.

There's a new wind of omnipotence

Whirring inside me

As I deny me

And I take up this new me

With the shackles being loosened

From my body

As I become free.

I fight with myself

Every day

In every way

Because that is our condition

We've got two separate missions

The one we think is for us

Yet against us

And the other we think being against us

Is for us.

Because if it is for us

Who can be against us?

All of this personal fuss

A battle for truth and trust

And want and 

Must

But like a gust

of that contemporaneous wind

That breath of fresh air

From where we get our breath

It is the only must

The only one to trust

And reduces all fuss

to nothing.

And that's something.