Say "gutentag" to Drunk Ruth.
Drunk Ruth does:
-make photobooth videos with the swirl effect on and do booty popping to various pop-hits.
-go to an electronic club on a Monday at 1am and demand the door man stamps her three times, including once on the forehead because the stamp says "LIFE" on it.
-buy chupa chup lollypops from the front door for all of the people in her radius because what else is life about.
-brake the leather strap on her favourite bag and become confused about the happiness she feels from being drunk at such a sad event.
-insist that everyone within her proximity get involved in an onslaught of "fugly selfies" which now reside on her phone (however some may or may not have escaped into the web of social media and iMessage to friends and relatives, all of which occurring during her drunken state.
-come up with a dancing game at a techno club called "imagine..." where the other people have to dance in a way that reflects certain situations such as "you are Willow Smith whipping your hair back and forth whilst grating a carrot".
-comes up with nicknames for her mum, such as "Juicy Johnson".
-double Instagram, despite it being a crime.
-follows through when told to bump and grind in between three strangers in a Berlin club.
-insists the doorman didn't give her change after admittedly spending 50 euros in one night on munchies and chupa chups.
-successfully reinvent the salsa dancer emoticon in an iPhone.
-write "pick up" as a reminder on her hand, because normally she is too busy being a better version of Beyoncé on the d-floor to remember to do so.
Drunk Ruth does not:
-make her way back to the hostel that she paid for but finds an empty bed in a completely different one and sleeps there.
-remember to buy a ticket home the next day on the train, gets straight home and then gets whacked with a 40 euro fine upon exiting the train.
-give a rats ass when the stamped word "life" rubs off onto her sheer white blouse that she bought from Topshop not even a week ago, staining it.
-leave a random German man at the club outside when it is raining, but rather gives him a lift home (about 500 m away) in the taxi she is sharing with others.
-regret the aforementioned fugly selfies until the next day.
-discriminate against food types. A whole bag of crisps with a stranger is okay.
-turn off her phone. She really should.
-go to bed until 5 am, because she is too busy downstairs texting every person in her life back home, and also the guy sitting beside her in the same room.
- pick up because she is too busy being Beyoncé on the d-floor to remember to do so.
-make photobooth videos with the swirl effect on and do booty popping to various pop-hits.
-go to an electronic club on a Monday at 1am and demand the door man stamps her three times, including once on the forehead because the stamp says "LIFE" on it.
-buy chupa chup lollypops from the front door for all of the people in her radius because what else is life about.
-brake the leather strap on her favourite bag and become confused about the happiness she feels from being drunk at such a sad event.
-insist that everyone within her proximity get involved in an onslaught of "fugly selfies" which now reside on her phone (however some may or may not have escaped into the web of social media and iMessage to friends and relatives, all of which occurring during her drunken state.
-come up with a dancing game at a techno club called "imagine..." where the other people have to dance in a way that reflects certain situations such as "you are Willow Smith whipping your hair back and forth whilst grating a carrot".
-comes up with nicknames for her mum, such as "Juicy Johnson".
-double Instagram, despite it being a crime.
-follows through when told to bump and grind in between three strangers in a Berlin club.
-insists the doorman didn't give her change after admittedly spending 50 euros in one night on munchies and chupa chups.
-successfully reinvent the salsa dancer emoticon in an iPhone.
-write "pick up" as a reminder on her hand, because normally she is too busy being a better version of Beyoncé on the d-floor to remember to do so.
Drunk Ruth does not:
-make her way back to the hostel that she paid for but finds an empty bed in a completely different one and sleeps there.
-remember to buy a ticket home the next day on the train, gets straight home and then gets whacked with a 40 euro fine upon exiting the train.
-give a rats ass when the stamped word "life" rubs off onto her sheer white blouse that she bought from Topshop not even a week ago, staining it.
-leave a random German man at the club outside when it is raining, but rather gives him a lift home (about 500 m away) in the taxi she is sharing with others.
-regret the aforementioned fugly selfies until the next day.
-discriminate against food types. A whole bag of crisps with a stranger is okay.
-turn off her phone. She really should.
-go to bed until 5 am, because she is too busy downstairs texting every person in her life back home, and also the guy sitting beside her in the same room.
- pick up because she is too busy being Beyoncé on the d-floor to remember to do so.
